if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
