I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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