I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
and you fell through a lawn chair
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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