Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
