I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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