she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
