i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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