I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
