Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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