2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
