I think my vagina is haunted
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
