I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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