Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
