Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
