i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want to make out with him forever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
