my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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