Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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