it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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