So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
