if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
