Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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