This girl is more easily done than said...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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