hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to be your penis for a week.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
