Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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