So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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