I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
