I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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