the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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