she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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