i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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