and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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