I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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