Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
God, I missed his penis.
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