Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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