I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
