Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
