Can i not drive my cunt home
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
