So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
