If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
