that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
