ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
