I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
vagina is talking i cant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
