Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize