I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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