He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
