Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize