I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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