um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
