i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize