Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
