Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
