Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i came on her dog
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize