the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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