You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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