does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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