yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
