I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
