dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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