Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
