weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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