how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
