My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize