I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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