Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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