i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
