meet me or not, i'm out of control
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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