I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
