her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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