You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
