New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
