Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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