It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
