I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
