I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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