think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize