Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
