Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
