yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
