Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
