dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
