dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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