I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
