his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize