I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
