2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
