Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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