Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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