Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize