Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
