I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
