On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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