is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
