I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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