I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize