The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
