Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
