We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
