Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
