Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
