I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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