Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
