like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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